at a loss

I feel incompetent.

when daniel (grace's bf) first approached me to plan grace's surprise 20th birthday party for her together, i was quite enthusiastic. but then i was quite worried because i'm not close to any of her good friends in uni and i really don't know what the response will be like. well, now it turns out that most of her friends (if not all) won't be able to come at all this coming sunday.

=(

and i'm so desparately trying to think of ways out but i don't dare to invite too many of my friends because it really seems like a jing jing's birthday party rather than hers.

i know its not entirely my fault, but its just so saddening that i can't even get her friends to be there. and they are supposed to be closer to her than me. =x slightly angry too, but i know i don't have the right to be angry, because they didn't do anything wrong. but how am i gonna face grace on that day?

it makes me shudder to think of my own 21st next year. maybe i'll fly to switzerland or france or mexico. portugal seems like a good idea too. haha!

i'm quite serious actually lol.

sigh. friendships are scary stuff.

and i suddenly felt rather lonely. =(