hell

oh wow.

i don't know what happened, but somehow i'm being caught in the war again. this time round the japs don't want me to reveal the sales figures to the singapore managers cos the singaporeans are selling their shares back to the japs BUT the sing people want me to tell them the sales cos of some reasons which i really don't feel like explaining but i still think they are bluffing me. yeah. this time round singaporeans are damn tricky and scheming. i get the feeling they are devising all the weird plans to confuse everyone and stuff. i'm so so so so so sick of it.

and sad to say, i cried again. being lectured by a manager who claims she is the CEO but then she care about the shop at all while doing NOTHING to her made all my anger explode. especially the part when she says, "you are still young you don't understand so you just have to listen to me."

fuck her.

i dislike using crude words because i feel that they are useless when you say it every minute and people just don't care but now i think this is a right situation to use it. really.

guess what? she thinks she can scare me by saying she'll sue me and report me to the authorities if i don't give her the sales figures? i don't believe her. i'm just going to clarify it with the japs tomorrow. if they want to give her the figures i'll give. if not go ahead and sue me. i'm so tired and exhausted that i really don't care. i don't think there is any evidence to do it so she's just bull-shitting.

you know.. i really feel like quitting. working so hard everyday with all the 12 hours shift is not funny at all. getting stressed up and crying everytime when i'm pulled into politics is not funny too. i think i aged ten years already. =(

but i don't want to lose it all. i don't want to say i quit and walk off. i don't want to be a coward that shuns everything that is bad. i want to be someone who becomes stronger after each experience and someone who does the right things at the right time. i want to be able to learn to see through facades and lies and find the truth in them. i want to be true to everyone and not be someone who doesn't think and just listens to order. i want to make correct decisions.

so.

even with all the problems, i'm going to stay. i'm going to show them that being young doesn't mean i back out everything something goes wrong. i'm going to show them i will stand up and walk on. i'm going to get through all these pray that i'll still be alive in one piece. =P its gonna be hard, really hard... but i'll go on.

jia you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

never say die!!!!!!!!!!!

=)

going to sleep now. working early and i have to have the energy to fight the weekend crowds. ta ta!



i miss school